The clitoris has been the focus of sexual attention for years. But only relatively recently did scientists discover the actual size of the clit (many times larger than originally thought). It is one of the most sensitive body parts, having around 8,000 nerve endings (twice as much as a penis) and affecting another 15,000 in the pelvic region! All the more reason to touch it!
Before we get into some tips on how you should touch your clit, let’s get the lay of the land, shall we? Here is a great image of what the clit actually looks like:
As you can see, the clit isn’t just located where the “glans clitoris” begins to protrude out above the urethra. That is just the “tip of the iceberg” with the majority (about 3/4ths) of the clit residing inside the body.
So, armed with a little more knowledge about biology and geography, let’s get into the power of clit stimulation!
Solo clit stimulation
Taking your pleasure into your own hands is the name of the game here. Using your fingertips to feel around your clit is an important first step to explore how sensitive your own clit is (fun fact: not all clits are the same!). Since around “50 to 75% of women need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm,” this little body part packs a big punch in terms of your sex life.
The first thing you should know, even if you are by yourself masturbating, is….Lube is your clit’s best friend. If you have been rubbing your clit without using lube, then you have been missing out! If you are by yourself and using glass or crystal (for example) dildos or toys, or don’t have to worry about condoms or silicone toys, using a blend of oils (or this love oil from Woo More Play) can be a wonderful way to self-lubricate. If you are doing some solo stimulating without toys, it is best to use water-based lube. You can even try an enhanced lube.
Really get to know your clit, try different pacing of strokes, different intensity of pressure and take note of how each different stroke feels.
You can also use toys to stimulate your clit. One in particular has a powerful way of acting upon your clit, the Womanizer. Its clitoral vibrator is equipped with “Pleasure Air Technology” which “encloses your clitoris without touching it whilst stimulating it via soft pressure waves.” It also prevents overstimulation and “habituation” (meaning when your body gets used to the feeling), so you can come as often as you want!
Tips for partnered clit stimulation
If you are wanting some tips on partnered sex and clit stimulation, I highly recommend that you don’t skip the solo tips above – you really should get to know your clit first before doing partnered clit stim. Orgasm coach and founder of Owning Your O, Wendy Perkins recommends the following tips for when your partner is doing the stimulation:
If you haven't already done mutual masturbation to see the preferred technique, a good technique that works for many clit owners is to use two fingers, first and middle fingers. Have one finger pad on each side of the clitoris/clitoral hood so the nub is between the fingers. Then move fingers in a small, counter clockwise pattern. This will cover more surface area without over stimulating a highly sensitive clitoris and allows for a consistent rhythm for the brain to recognize a pattern. If the clit owner tilts their pelvis into the partner’s hand, then they are looking for more pressure, if they tilt away then lighten up the pressure.
Wendy also reiterates the use of lube – “not only will it help the fingers to glide easier around the clit, but it also heightens the sensation because the lube covers more surface area activating more of the sensory nerves on the vulva.”
Clit-friendly positions
There are many ways you can stimulate your clit during partnered sex. Basically, anytime one body part has a chance to rub on the clit is a good position.
On top. The clitoral owner can ride on top of their partner so they can grind their clit against their partner’s body.
Doggy style. Doggy style can provide a great opportunity for clit stim because of the ability to reach back to your clit and/or your partner to reach down and around to stimulate it.
Missionary. One of the most overlooked clit-friendly positions is missionary. One partner can angle their trajectory so that upon thrusting, their pelvic region can brush upwards, rubbing the clit while penetrating (with either penis, dildo, finger, whatever is being used for penetration). To get the most bang for your buck (lol) out of your partner stimulating your clit, try this variation from Wendy Perkins,: place clit-owner on her back, leg up on the partner’s shoulder (so, for example, right female leg up on male’s left shoulder). In this position the partner’s right hand is available to stimulate the clit. The leg up also provides leverage for the base of the penis (or strap-on) to be giving pressure to the legs of the clitoris via the vulva (see diagram above). Missionary is also great for non-penetrative clit stim, just rubbing bodies together in that position can get some clit traction.
Reverse cowgirl. Another clit-friendly position, reverse cowgirl can be better for concentrated clit-stimulation rather than front-facing riding, in part because the clit-owner doesn't think as much about what they look like and they don't have to read the face of their partner, which can sometimes get them in their head.
Now that you have some top clit tips, feel free to go “rub one out”! And enjoy!