Did you know you can wow your partner/partners in a sex dungeon built for tons-o-fun, suspense and excitement without having to leave the comforts of your own home!
Because this article is focused on creating a “dungeon”, most of the advice will be centered around BDSM – but feel free to make these ideas “your own” whether you want more straight up sex play or not.
And always remember these ideas are built on fully informed consent, which is a cornerstone of healthy BDSM play.
Where to begin…
Your home “sex dungeon” doesn’t have to be the “red room of pain” from the 50 Shades movies. It can be as elaborate or as simple as you want (or as your budget and timeline allows). For example, you could decide to simply have a “sex room” or designate just a corner of a room for your kinky play toys.
However high you aim, you can set an intention for the space and how you want to use it. You will first want to decide what activities you would like to do. Start with what you are already into—and then decide on what activities you might want to try in the space. Once you decide those things, you can start designing the space to facilitate those activities. If you have enough geographic space, you can leave room for future “build-out” of new activities, kinks, or sexual pleasures you might be attracted to in the future. This is the equivalent of “creating space” – both energetically and physically--for your sex life.
Things you need to consider for creating the perfect kinky/BDSM space:
Dimensions of the space
Mood/color pallet/lighting
Walls
Floor
Door/entrance
Bed
Storage
Privacy
Group play
Set the mood
Setting the mood is key for creating the right BDSM space. So many things go into “mood” or “atmosphere.” Choosing the right lighting options can make or break the atmosphere you are trying to create. BDSM often incorporates a sense of drama and gravity. For example, if you are a dominant and want to get your bratty submissive into the right frame of mind that you are serious about your commands, you don’t want to have bright lights and pastel-colored pillows everywhere. There is a reason BDSM colors tend to be in the black-red-grey area- they connote a sense of dark drama and suspense. (Of course, you can tailor the mood/colors to any type of kink so don’t feel wedded to dark colors…just a consideration.)
Rethinking the bedroom
Contrary to common belief – you don’t need a bed to have a dungeon! In fact a lot of dungeons do not have a bed in them. So, if you feel your bedroom is not ideal for a sex dungeon, don’t panic! You can use another room or space to create a dungeon. Some people like to have them in a basement or attic- somewhere that isn’t your normal “living” space. In any event, you should think about the dimensions of your available space so that you can plan accordingly, especially if you are considering group play (meaning playing with more than one partner in the space).
You want to consider the level of privacy you need. You don’t want to be having a regular party with your friends and family and have Aunt Bessie accidentally stumble on your kinky dungeon on the way to the bathroom. Consider what kind of doorway you want, including what it looks like on the outside. Locking the door is another way to maintain your privacy. Sex isn’t something that should carry shame – but there is nothing wrong with keeping your sex life private.
Similarly, if there are windows in the room that people can see into, you might want to consider blacking them out. This helps with mood and privacy. Some people even sound-proof their sex room or dungeon so that their play can be as loud as they want.
Ideas for products to help you build the perfect sex space
Regardless of whether you are into BDSM or kink, there are so many options out there for products that can help you design the perfect space for awesome sexy time.
If you are a relatively new dominant, you might want to check out this article for suggestions on how to set up the basics of your “red room of pain” so that you can get the most out of your d/s sessions.
Top ideas for sex dungeon toys, accessories, and furniture are as follows:
Sex Swing. A sex swing is such a great addition to a dungeon. You can grab this affordable one from Sportsheets for around $73. What is great is that you don’t have to fasten it to the ceiling with a large screw. It is built to fit on a door jam and is versatile enough to accommodate several different positions. Swing it, baby!
Blackout mask. If you are not able to fully black out your windows, a blackout mask is a great way to create atmosphere and suspense. Here is a great one you can buy and keep hanging on your dungeon wall.
Cuffs. A dungeon just wouldn’t be complete without having a set of handcuffs on hand to restrain your partner. If you have a bed, you can keep them near it. Or, use this one designed to place your partner’s wrists above their head. Better yet – if you are doing some bed play or even floor play, these suction cuffs are an awesome option for restraint.
Collar and leash. Your bottom/submissive might like to be led around by the collar in a session. In that case, you can install a hook on the wall and hang a collar and leash to use in your dungeon.
Spanking paddle. Implements for pain play (ie, impact play) can be a big part of your dungeon play. There are so many to choose from, from whips to floggers to canes. I like to tell people to start with a basic: the paddle. They aren’t too expensive and are a good place to start – as well as a “mainstay” of spanking if you want to more than just bare-handed spanking.
Storage. We usually get caught up in all the fun sex toys and implements we can buy and use in our dungeons. But we forget that they need someplace to live when we aren’t playing. Choosing the right storage can help you plan your BDSM sessions and organize your toys. One way to organize and store your implements when not using them is to install hooks on the walls of your dungeon. This not only helps keep you organized, but having them out on display can set the psychological tone you may want for your submissive. Bonus tip: strap-ons are better stored on hooks rather than jumbled up in a drawer.
Advanced tip: Massage table. Having a collapsible massage table is a great way to set up a perfect BDSM session. A massage table can be more versatile than a bed, allowing more circumference for a top/dominant to position around a bottom/submissive. In addition, it is much easier to fasten restraints to than a bed.
Don’t forget to incorporate safety into your dungeon
Often people get all caught up in the excitement of creating a dungeon that they don’t consider safety elements that should be incorporated into the design and planning. If you are using restraints, doing pain play/impact play, or any other potentially physically and emotionally risky activities (ie, sadism, humiliation, consensual non-consent, etc), you need to consider safer alternatives and contingency plans. For example, if you are planning on a lot of impact play, you might want to have a cooler handy with ice, or have ice packs stored in your storage area/container. You also want to consider what items are necessary to help with aftercare, such as soft blankets and pillows to cuddle your submissive or partner. Think of anything you have used in the past or need to soothe your partner if you are a top/dominant and especially if you partake in intense play.
In addition, don't forget lube and other comfort accessories.