I have been a Dom for a little while now and I have been told by more than one of my subs that I am their favorite play partner which of course warms the cockles of my heart. We all need to be good at something so why can't this be my gift to the world. So with that in mind I want to share the top 5 things every new Dom should know. Onto the list:
1. Figure out what type of Dom you want to be.
The good news is sexuality is always evolving so you do not need to feel the pressure of committing to one specific dynamic over another. By all means you can enjoy it all, but from my experience from talking to my play partners their other Doms seem to fit into certain categories. There are sadistic Doms who generally like to inflict pain and genuine fear in their subs. There are the sensual Doms who value control over fear. They get off pleasing their partners while controlling the situation. There are Daddy Doms who enjoy the mental games of treating their subs like innocent little girls who need to be corrupted. Then there are the degrading Doms which can manifest itself in many forms (verbal/physical). I could go on and on as there are so many variations but as for me......... I would say I am a little bit of everything from time to time. One of my favorite things is to keep my subs guessing and unsure of what might come next. I guess that makes me a bit of a sadist in that regards. One of my subs did refer to my living room (my red room of pain) as a funhouse before. I have to say I enjoyed her comment immensely.
2. It's all about the communication!!!
I was recently talking to a sub friend of mine who had just played with a new Dom for the first time. I asked her how it went and she said not very well and that he really hurt her. I asked if they had gone over boundaries and their limits before. I wasn't surprised by her answer.
Before any play session the first thing that should be discussed is hard limits. These are the things you definitely do not want to do. Then you should work your way down from there. I think it's valuable to discuss the things you might possibly be interested in but maybe not sure. All the way down to the things you really enjoy and want to happen, because why are you there to begin with. Right? And always have a safe word. I suggest “yellow” to slow down and “red” to stop.
3. Trust is everything.
Once you have gone over everyone's limits it is your responsibility as the Dom to follow them religiously. It might seem like you are the one with the power but that is only an illusion. Your sub has decided to give themselves to you and they can just as easily take that away. If there is something you want to do that they had told you is one of their limits just be patient. You would be surprised if the doors that can open once you have gained the trust of your sub and shown her the enjoyment that can come from this type of relationship. A good sub wants to please her Dom at all costs and will put herself thru a lot to accomplish this.
4. Push their boundaries. They want it.
DISCLAIMER: Do not push her boundaries until you have a couple of sessions under your belt and I don't mean to be clear doing things on her hard limits list.
What I mean by this is if she likes to get face fucked but has trouble deep throating. Start slow. Don't just cram your cock down her throat mercilessly until she pukes (unless that's her thing). Gradually push her past her comfort zone until she can take that cock down her throat easily without puking (unless that's your thing). If she has never had anal but wants to try start out slow. And then each time fuck her harder until she is your full-fledged anal whore. Trust me. It will happen. I have personally trained several anal whores and other than seeing my child born they are my proudest moments.
5. After care. After care. After care.
Most women if not all and even the ones who love to be treated like shit also like to be held and told how wonderful they are. Especially if you have just treated them like shit. Almost every sub I have ever been with wants you to bring her back up after you have dragged her to the bottom and fucked her there. Hold her. Tell her what an amazing job she has done. Tell her how amazing she made you feel. And most of all thank her for giving herself to you. Trust me it will pay dividends later.